It may be hard to believe but most couples do have the same fight repeatedly.
How do People have the same fights over and over?
Since no one is perfect and no family is totally functional we grow up with wounds from our childhoods. Most of us survive but now and again we get angry at a situation that may seem out of proportion to the event. As the old saying goes hysterical is historical or we have been triggered.
What is a Trigger?
A trigger is a sore spot that occurred either as a trauma when you were a child or as a repeated action that you may have been reprimanded or criticized. A trigger can also be a certain uncomfortable or upsetting way one or more family members acted toward you or others.
How Triggers get Activated in Relationships
Two people in a relationship, are two people who have different biology, family, cultural and other various experiences that make up who they are. Each different come together as partners. At first everything can be wonderful because each person is on their guest behavior. However, as people get more comfortable they become more like family. Most couples do not intentionally want to hurt each other! However, innocently one person says or does something that activates a trigger in the other. You know when you have hit a trigger because the anger goes 0-60 before you can blink an eye.