Why Can’t I Find Love
Are, you are feeling alone? Have you been hoping to meet the perfect someone?
Will the Emptiness End?
How often have you had a good time on a date, and afterword’s never heard a word your date? How often have you lamented to friends, and family about your dating frustrations? Have you enlisted friends and relatives to help you figure out why they stopped calling? Has a night out with friends turned into commiserating about the hopelessness of ever finding satisfying romantic relationships?
Why Can’t I Find Love
Stop your frustrations! Find out what is going on! Become your own dating detective! End your days of dysfunctional dating once and for all! You too can have the relationship you desire! You may be asking yourself “Can I really find love?” Yes, you can! Become a dating detective gather evidence and work at solving this mysterious dilemma that is personal to you.
Dating does not have to be full of drama, rejection, and bewilderment. Using dating detective skills, you can embark on a transformative journey and uncover inner secrets as well as obvious red flags which can increase awareness and stop dysfunctional dating.
You may be unaware of self-sabotage, ignoring red flags, and succumb to heartfelt roller-coaster emotions, burnout, and hopelessness. Using the tools of a dating detective can help you understand why you are attracted to the wrong men or women, and what you bring to dating that relationships seem to be out of the question!
Internal Intense Self-Interrogation
You say you want a relationship! You even long for it! Yet involve yourself in roller-coaster relationships that evoke feelings of high excitement, thrill, bliss only to be followed by the devastation. You endure this devastation because you know if you can only get that thrill you will feel whole. The biggest question to ask yourself is “Has this worked” Most likely it has not because you are reading this book.
So, your sleuthing begins; Why am I drawn to men or women who are not able to have a relationship! What is my motive! The crucial part of dating detective work is “The Internal Interrogation,” a deep self-investigation of your motives for dating choices. The best method to perform internal interrogation is to give yourself some time and space each day to reflect on relationships, dating and what your true feelings about sharing your life with another? You may also ask yourself “What has gotten in my way of having the relationship I want.”
The Power of Observation
Another essential tool for all detectives’ is a Spyglass, a small handheld telescope that aids in finding clues. As a dating detective, you may not need a spyglass. However, you need to sharpen your power of observation. The power of observation is crucial to finding and gathering clues and evidence to lead to a breakthrough of dysfunctional dating.
Using the power of observation.’ Being open to both internal self-interrogation and external observation allows one to know oneself more deeply. While performing the steps of an internal self-interrogation, it is imperative to allow yourself to be open with yourself. You may not like to findings negative aspects of yourself, however, learning what has not worked gives you an idea about processing the past, so changes will occur.
Mindful Meditation helps to calm the mind and get rid of constant internal chatter. When your mind is clear, your attention can be focused both inward as well toward yours toward exercises and feelings you have about real relationships. Practicing meditation is the best way to make your mind. The following instructions can help you to become proficient.
1.Close your eyes, and focus on your breathing.
2.Keep your focused attention on your breath, while practicing awareness of feelings and internal ideas to notice various aspects mentioned in this chapter to explore dysfunctional dating. In other sections, there will be situations to focus upon, and you will be able to write down your feelings experienced during the meditation.
Studies have revealed that meditation increases thickness in the areas of the brain that are responsible for attention, focus, and sensory processing. They have also discovered that meditation enhances the brain’s activity levels. Which allows for better memory, focus, attention, etc. All skills that are essential for observation both internally and externally. (Wiki How, 2017)
The Fallacy of Superficial Factors Preventing Relationships
A red herring is a false clue that usually misleads the dating detective and sets the detective off course. Blaming dating disasters on external factors or surface clues is easy. If you stop at the surface clues you will not get to the deeper blocks that are the real culprits which keep you from having the relationships, you want.
Although some external factors can help women feel more confident as well as create an appearance that men can become attracted. External, superficial elements will not address the deeper internal problems that have sabotaged relationships. Below are some typical surface issues that some women cling to. If only I could be … then my relationship problems could be solved,
- If I could be thin enough
- If I looked good in my clothes
- If I were funny enough
- If I knew the proper Dating Rules
- If I were just good enough
Logically you may see many people who are not perfect in relationships. You may even understand that weight or external factors are not the only key to a relationship. However, emotionally you may not believe it because from early childhood you may have been told the opposite.
Upon deeper internal investigation you may realize you may use your lack of perfection to keep yourself safe from relationships. You may be afraid that being close to another would either end in rejection and abandonment. Or you may unconsciously worry that you may feel trapped in a grueling situation or lose yourself
Logically you will be able to understand that the external is not a deterrent to a relationship, but you may not believe it emotionally. Additionally, the passionate beliefs about weight, looks, intelligence, etc. might aid in the unconscious need to stay away from a relationship. When people struggle with emotional issues, often logical solutions can be understood, but emotionally, the internal conflict is much harder to resolve
Aspects of Yourself that Sabotage Healthy Dating and Satisfying Relationships
Many women attract unconsciously the unavailable men or men who have qualities that are abhorrent to them as a way of sabotaging dating thereby ensuring that they will not become involved in a suitable relationship.
This may sound ridiculous if you want a relationship why would you possibly pick someone who is not able to have one. The two fundamental reasons are the fear of abandonment and the fear of losing your individuality.
When she started to date men she feared becoming attached unconsciously, she could not bear to be abandoned. Deep within herself, she remembered her pain as well as the way her mother and sister reacted to the loss. She never wanted to experience the pain again.
How Do You Appear to Potential Dates and What Do They Sense About You
It may be hard for you to believe but you emanate verbal and nonverbal signs that attract specific types of men to you. Moreover, you glean from similar clues men or women about availability, character, fears of intimacy that you may be attracted.
Do you seem easy to approach? Are you inviting? Or do men feel a sense of aloofness which can be a feel of guardedness about you? Individuals develop verbal and non-verbal guards who serve as protectors. As mentioned previously most people do not to be hurt by abandonment or smothered and feel they have lost their individuality. External facial expressions can hold others at a distance.
Most people unconsciously choose individuals who are at similar levels of spatial intimacy. Observing a relationship, it may not seem that way at all. Women who lament about always looking to find the unavailable man can see themselves as just picking the wrong men or women. However, when an available man or women come along often, you may perceive them as boring, needy or clingy. A key to remember is people fit together based on unconscious unmet needs that begin in childhood.